Friday, June 03, 2005

Kids say the darndest things...

In the name of filling up my blog a little quicker and writing regular entries, I've decided to note down things that people have said to me recently that I decided were so stupid/amusing/endearing/all of the above that they had to be recorded. So, instead of keeping the little bits of paper that I wrote them down on at the time they were said, I'll put them in here.

Chai is so passe. It's all about red chai, now.
Oh, Christina... The things you say. Meanwhile, I think working in a pretentious tea shop must just about be the perfect job for someone who says passe as often as she does.

Having sex with someone you don't like in front of someone you do like is a real turn on.
I think this comment says a lot about my one of my dear friends. Really gives you a look into her psyche. As does:
I have a bad feeling Karlo [the dude she is seeing] has something special planned. Oh no!

The aforementioned Karlo (a drug dealer she thought was this motorcycle-riding bad-boy who considered her just a meaningless fling) also made the mistake of sending her poetry. It really spelt his doom with her and was so bad that it had to be kept:
In my dreams I try to sleep,
I set my mind to counting sheep.
But then I see you standing there,
with your glowing smile and long blond hair.
In my sleep I toss and turn,
as it is for your company I do yern [sic]
and passion in my heart dose [sic] burn,
[sic] longing to hold you in turn.
Again I will not sleep tonight for it is you my love i wish to hold so tight.

I am fire twirl Saturday. And pissed now.
Pissed, Will? I never would have guessed! Also in that text message was the adverb innarsorsibuely. Still trying to work that one out.

We could be friends. Who occasionally sleep in the same bed... Without pants.
If that hadn't been exactly what I wanted from the young man who made that proposition, I probably would have been less than flattered!

Does everyone know what chess is?
My fab-u-lous cinema studies lecturer clearly doesn't realise that she's teaching tertiary students, as opposed to a kindergarten class. (Remember, Benji?)

Ah, now some of those babies were 24 karat comedy gold. If you remain unconvinced of this fact, dear reader, then I will have to rely on that old staple... YOU HAD TO BE THERE!

Thursday, June 02, 2005

More reasons to love Americans... and not a single mention of candy corn!

Why love Americans? Well, for a start they keep coming up with great ideas for food, music, books, films, etc. As for instance, I am presently noshing on Oreo cookies and milk (they are such a delightful combination!) and listening to a Beck CD (what's not to love? I mean, I dig the music and he is an über-cool young fellow). They are both most satisfying slices of the (very large) proverbial pie of American fabulousness. But aside from coming up with new ways for me to spend my time being a lazy pig and not doing my work, Americans are also kind people. And here we get to the crux of the issue, because all of this was this just a cheap segway for me to say that a really nice American lady emailed me to say she liked my blog! How sweet is that?! No one (Ben, you don't count because I found you first!) has ever emailed me about my blog. And believe me, no goddamn Australian would do that. I know we're s'posed to be like these easy-going fabulous people, but the truth is that we're HELLA LAZY. (For further proof of this see how long the spaces of time between my entries are!) Anyway, hello to Dev if you are reading this! You made my day.

Speaking of Oreos, I have to say that I was slightly alarmed when I tried the latest member of the Nabisco family. That is, Oreos that have half chocolate creme and half peanut butter filling... pretty disturbing, eh? I think the whole American phenomenon of putting peanut butter with sweet things is not something that will ever really catch on in the land of Aus. I know that we have taken on some of the more bizarre English quirks, like spreading YEAST EXTRACT on our toast, but until we have the stars and stripes in the corner of our flag rather than the Union Jack I think that we will reserve such gastronomic bootlickin' for the Poms. But back to the cookies themselves. The peanut butter bit freaks me out the most; it tastes exactly like peanut butter, and yet the colour and consistency are all wrong. If they want it to taste authentic why not just use real peanut butter? Alternatively, if you want to use over-processed crap instead, make it taste like ersatz peanut. I know that sounds crazy, but I like to know where I stand with food; I don't like to be fooled into thinking I'm eating the real deal if I ain't. And if that means the taste has to suffer than so be it. (Yes, it's true that I'm more of a bona fide nut than anything going into that cookie filling!)

And more on Americans. My dear friend Isabelle from year 7 who originally hailed from the Windy City before coming to Melbourne just got her Masters. I just turned 20 a few weeks ago, (happy birthday to me...), and this girl is getting her goddamn post-grad degree. And she's younger than me, too! She always was a real genius type, (so how she ended up at the same high school as me is pretty mind-boggling!), in fact her whole family are. She left Australia after year 7 and went to a school that speeds you through your middle and high school years and then she started studying at the U of Virginia! She had finished her undergrad work by the time she was 17 and now, at 19, she's got her Masters! She's apparently going to take some time out (you'd hope so!) before she gets her Ph. D in either mathematics or cryptography. That girl is amazing, that's for damn sure. We don't make 'em like that in Australia, which is further evidence of our being lazy. I mean, they had to make voting compulsory over here, that should tell you something (and the fact that voting is compulsory and we still ended up with John Howard is also pretty telling).

But as cool as Americans are I think I'd still rather live here. I feel safer in a country where I know chocolate creme/peanut butter Oreos won't ever be successful!