Sunday, May 06, 2007

You would cry, too, if it happened to you...

It was my birthday last Monday and I turned 22. I didn't think it was a biggie until I realised that I'm not a fun novelty age anymore. I'm no longer 21, a year that for me was the Bio-Dome of adulthood; a kind of maturity hermetically-sealed from the outside world (though hopefully that doesn't make me Pauly Shore). The upshot of it all is that my summer of '69 is over. After I recovered from that shocking realisation, it occurred to me that in the last year I've also managed to slip into rampant uncoolness. Somewhere between my killer 21st party and my recent bottle cap collection, I lost my mojo. What events and lifestyle factors led to these twain epiphanies? Consider the following indications that I might be past my prime:

1. I take four kinds of pills before I go to bed. One is the Pill, one is an antibiotic for a UTI, one is an iron supplement, and one is a laxative to stop me getting constipated from the iron supplement. When my doctor diagnosed my iron deficiency, she also told me that I have a Vitamin D deficiency and that I need to get more sun. Doesn't she realise that the daylight hours are the luckiest time at the pokies?
I actually take drugs for my bowel movements; a definite indication of oldness.
2. My musical taste seems to be firmly rooted in the past. While my friends stock-up on the new CDs by the Fratellis or Lady Sovereign, the last debut album I bought was by Devo (a 1978 release). I also recently purchased Prince's Dirty Mind (1980), an album so old that hipster underpants hadn't even been invented yet. Observe:
I may be old-fashioned, but at least I buy albums with songs about oral sex on them.
3. The Saturday night before last, while the best minds of my generation were out smoking Cigarillos with Asian lesbians, or at least venturing outside their abodes, I was having possibly the lamest night-in ever. Consider these factors: I had dinner at 5pm. I was tempted to watch the Inspector Lynley Mysteries. I had a craving for fruit yoghurt at 8pm and actually went to the supermarket so that I could satisfy it. Six tubs later I sprawled on the couch till I fell asleep watching RockWiz. I was in bed by 10:30pm.My Saturday night had three active cultures, comprised protein for growth and repair, and contained no artificial colours or flavours. Did yours?

4. I collect bottle caps... From the packaging of nutritional fruit juice... Because they have trivia on them. Has the full gravity of that hit you, yet?
I also collect the trivia from the backing strips of Libra pads and liners. Is that wrong?
5. Instead of the cash my aunt has sent me every year since I was old enough to appreciate it, for my 22nd birthday I found a scratchie inside my card. How much does that scream "fogey"?
At least it's a Spiderman scratchie. The kids these days think he's pretty happenin'... Right?!

6. I watched the MTV Video Music Awards last week and realised that, when it comes to popular music these days, I'm just plain ig'nant. I couldn't pick Teddy Geiger from a line-up. I didn't know that Jared Leto was the lead singer of 30 Seconds To Mars. I thought Fedde Le Grand's name was "Freddy". I didn't know the difference between Bodyrox and BodyRockers. Even now I'm not sure how many Pussycat Dolls there actually are. The only performer I recognised was Fergie (some body parts more than others) and even she was performing a song that I'd never heard before. Basically, I'm completely out of touch. (Since when were their two Veronicas?)OK, so I get that there are two of them... But why are they both called Veronica?

So, it's all over for me. Please discuss.
The author with a few of her favourite things... Coloxyl (her laxative) and an oh-so cosy bed jacket.


Blogger The_Divine_Miss_L said...

I guess this is what 22 is going to be like seeing as everyone seems to be posting about age...well two of you, but it's enough of a trend for me.

For what it's worth: I can't function in the morning without my bowl of bran, don't like to go to organised sporting events because they're too loud, know the words to every Doris Day song/movie/television show ever made and get uncontrollably excited when in a crockery store.

So I completely relate...though I'm sorry, collecting sanitary product trivia is a bit over the line-r (oh and did I metion that I love a good pun?)

Great post, I laughed so hard I peed a little (though that's probably due largely to deterioating pelvic floor muscles).


8:25 PM  
Blogger ManicLovely said...

You look quite adorably daggy in that bed jacket. And as for that bottle cap collection you MUST complain about the cap Nick found today void of its promised 'liddle fact', you could get free juice money!
Old ppl like free stuff and juice.
Great post Gran.

9:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know you're old when you're taking pills to counteract your other pills.

The second, genetically identical Veronica exists so that she can harvest new breasts to replace the ones falling off the first Veronica (on the left).

12:17 PM  
Blogger Enny said...

Happy belated birthday!

8:38 PM  
Blogger Evolutionary_Ghost said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed the state of the Veronica's, um, 'bits'. Though it's a bad, I'm ashamed of myself kind of glad.

I think I must be getting old as well, since I think the Devo and Prince purchases were top choices...

1:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, Well, Well. What with this and my appearance in CosmoGirl Indonesia, I'm building quite the multimedia profile. Maybe it's not too late for me after all. Your blog made me giggle.

I love early Prince. He hasn't quite got his shit together - he's a little flaky and a little unsexy and it works for him. I have to say, the 'Controversy' filmclip was the pinnacle of the g-string and ladies' trenchcoat epoch. And what an epoch it was. If i could work out some way to make that ensemble conform to Canadia/Scandinavia, I could wear it to the party tonight.

Things to do.

7:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

old fogeys unite! there's nothing wrong with being more interested in a comfy sofa and warm drink than staying out raging (as the kids say) until unearthly hours!

7:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

11:14 PM  
Blogger Ann ODyne said...

Blog title is terrific.
You got plenty of comments.
I laughed involuntarily at your post.
The peignoir is so Zsa-Zsa it's fab

why have you stopped blogging?

Please get back here now that I've found you.

peace and love

1:49 AM  
Anonymous Phillip said...

Thanks so much for your post, pretty useful information.
Arts | St. Albert real estate | for rent by owner

12:14 AM  
Anonymous Marcus said...

To my mind one and all ought to look at this.
best games | play new games | famous free games | download racing games | download de jogos para pc

11:26 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home