Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Superheroes That Never Took Off

When I got home from Biba Academy the other day, I realised my hairdresser had seemingly been influenced by Rogue from X-Men when she decided on how to colour my hair. (On a related note, remind me never to let a hairdressing student have free reign over my 'do again.) That got me thinking about superheroes, and I decided to come up with some of my own invention that were so incredibly lame that they never would've made it in the cut-throat, super competitive world of fighting-crime-whilst-looking-cool (which apparently is not incompatible with wearing your underwear on the outside). Anyway, the first one that came to mind was...

The Victorian Lady! Straight outta the 19th century to give modern bad guys a good old-fashioned thumping!
Special Skills...
*Can crochet help notes in record time, so she can be quickly rescued after the baddies have captured her!
*Can hypnotise people with her cameo necklace!
*Wields a croquet mallet like nobody's business, both on and off the green!
KAPOW! THWACK! BANG!
Weapons...
*Riding boots for kicking!
*An umbrella for poking!
*A Dorothy bag full of rocks!
OUCH! PHOOEY! EEP!Weaknesses...
*Her high collar really chafes the neck!
*She occasionally suffers from bouts of hysteria!
*She's highly likely to become stricken with consumption!
SMASH! COUGH! LAME!
"I say, you little sod, put down your snuff box and put up your dukes, post-haste!"

Other superheroes too lame to make it past the drawing board...
*Mr Sniffles!
*Unpleasant Girl!
*The Rambler!
*P.C. Person!
*Mouth Breather!

8 Comments:

Blogger Daniel said...

The real question is, who would be her arch-nemesis? Represso? Industrio? Colonio? Venereali?

I suppose Jack the Ripper is an obvious choice, but he'd have to be amped up somehow.

11:33 PM  
Anonymous Freya said...

Look I got a blog :)

11:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ha ha i found you

come to dingdong this saturday see a way cool band Children Collide
http://www.myspace.com/childrencollide

aw yeah

ali

by the by I'm at the ridiculour URL below.

http://dazed.adc.rmit.edu.au/~s3079413/blog

2:11 PM  
Anonymous Radula said...

It's not very victorian of you to be wearing pants, shouldnt it be some sort of hoop scaffolded dress of some impractical description? and wheres the bonnet?? and this time I mean bonnet not head scarf.

11:15 PM  
Blogger ManicLovely said...

Ah you finally got that Lady superhero-superego out of your system. Maybe now you will stop bringing an umbrella everywhere. tee hee hee.

10:27 AM  
Blogger Nick said...

With her black cape and hypnotic powers, Victorian Lady is clearly based on Mandrake the Magician. How could you compete with somebody called Mandrake, even if you did have a pencil-moustache?

“He was the very genius of famine, yet lecherous as a monkey, and the whores called him mandrake” - Shakespeare, Henry IV

9:33 PM  
Blogger Armagnac Esq. said...

Victorian lady, 'ere as much as you purport to enter the future, notwithstanding, you may wish to present and invitation to our dashing and debauched party of fools... most of whom were present in the shire of Lygon when grogblogging last took place...

Carrier Falcons have been dispatched in the ongoing memelike quest...

2:23 PM  
Blogger Engels said...

Curious. Very curious.

11:13 AM  

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