Hook Is Not a Dirty Word

OK, well, it can be a dirty word if you're talking about bondage. But, then again, if you're talking about bondage, you can probably expect the conversation to get dirty at some point. (In case you were wondering, the device pictured is called the nose hook and you can pick one up at your local hardware store or Hell Fire Club gift shop.)


Angelina Jolie's typical Sunday night at home: a couple of DVDs, a bottle of red and a tail hook.

Anyway, I'm not here to talk to you about hooks from which to hang human flesh. I'm not that desperate for readers. (Yet.) Instead, I want to talk about hooks in popular music, or rather, the serious lack of them these days. The hook is the catchy part of the song, usually in the chorus, that sucks you in and gets stuck in your head, no matter how bad the tune itself is. A good hook can make a song. Some tunes are even built on them. For instance, there really isn’t much else to Crazy In Love except for the winning combination of the looped sample from the Chi-Lites' Are You My Woman and Beyoncé’s provocative vocals; the rest of the song is just filler crap. And yet who among us doesn’t want to wiggle their tush when they hear it? Such is the awesome power of the hook. However, recently it seems as though it's all too easy for songwriters to get away without even bothering to include this vital element of the pop tune. And what the fuck is up with that? Surely the hook is one of the few reasons to listen to pop music. I, for one, don't want to live in a world without it.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I hear you cry. You want specific examples, do you? Well, it pains me to be so Today Tonight about the whole enterprise, but it seems that there’s nothing for it except a good ol' fashioned NAME AND SHAME. Here are a bunch of songs I've heard recently that have driven me to despair with their lack of hook content:

Say Somethin' - Mariah Carey
Call On Me - Janet Jackson
Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera
Maneater - Nelly Furtado
Hips Don't Lie - Shakira
I Want To Be A Punk Rocker (With Flowers In My Hair) - Sandi Thom
Sexyback - Justin Timberlake

As far as I’m concerned, these singers are sending a big "FUCK YOU!" to the pop music buying public, albeit in different guises. Sometimes it’s part of an oh-so contrived attempt at pop progressiveness. In this instance, the message is "I'm pushing boundaries and taking pop music to a new frontier. I don't need to make my music fun to listen to because I'm an artiste now..." Justin and Christina, I'm looking at you. (Meanwhile, who knew ex-Mouseketeers were capable of taking themselves so seriously?) Sometimes, songwriters don’t even bother to dress-up their laziness, they just lay it out there with a sheepish shrug and a wan smile. While we’re on the subject, here’s a little message to Mariah and Janet: no one expects either of you to reinvent the wheel but could you at least try to pretend that you’re not releasing simply music in order to support your drug habit? I really don’t think it’s too much to ask.

So, party people, it's time to put yo' hands in the air. Am I going crazy? Is this trend more prevalent lately than it has been in the past? Are there any songs that you want to NAME AND SHAME? So many questions, so few readers!

Bring back the hook, me hearties!