Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Australian Government gets hip to the kids: a Brave New World?

When I was doing a bit of research about Ecstasy for my Divine gets trashed! post (below), I stumbled across the the government’s official "drugs are bad" website. Have you checked it out? Well, don't bother, because, on the whole, it's boring as all fuck. However, there is a section that gives a voice to the young'uns, which is called, wait for it, Somazone! (Because the kids have read Brave New World, and all...) It's a forum for young people to talk about all the seemingly taboo subjects that they should be able to get reliable information about from their school and family (but obviously aren't), like sex, drugs, mental health, contraception, harassment, sexuality, etc. Bad for them, good for you if you want to read about 13 year old girls losing their virginity to the sounds of Blink 182's Dammit, whilst covered in chocolate body sauce, IN THEIR OWN WORDS!! (LOLZ!) It’s proof that the age of consent laws should definitely be in place, despite what any Dutch political parties may have to say on the matter. What becomes obvious when you read some of the stories is that Harold the giraffe is just not getting through to the kids about the practicalities of sex, i.e. how to know when you’re doing it all wrong, what music is appropriate to listen to while you’re doing it, etc. Here’s two key paragraphs from the story of the chocolate-covered 13 year old, whose "man" "lasted" 40 minutes:

“...Also, when I tried to go on top a bit later, it hurt a bit more and it totally sucked trying to get it in!!!!!!! He kept slipping..... I guess there was too much lube!!!!!! So after switching back to missionary, he got on top, shoved it in, and spent the next forty or so minutes tiring himself out!!!!! We were fully making my bed squeak, and it was rocking heaps fast!!!!! I wasn't feeling anything, well I was..... it felt good!!!!! So now I feel like more sex!!!!! I really really actually like sex!!!!!!! It feels so good to have the weight of a guy on you! And the thrusting or whatever you call it, felt really calming and nice.... 40 mins isn't enough!!!!! So he sticks it back inside..... it feels good going slower, and he keeps asking me if I could go on top coz his legs hurt, if its hurting me and stuff like that..... we were timing how long we were going for!!!!

Occasionally we would stop, he would suck on my nipple, kiss my cheek, chest, shoulder, stomach, whatever or we would make out!!!!!! Then after he asked if it was hurting, I told him that it felt good, and to go faster and deeper! So he did, and that’s where it started feeling seriously good..... sumtimes he would stop, either to pull out to pull the condom up, finger me, ask if I wanted oral or to grope me...... he was having the time of his life!!!!!! I'm totally dreading getting my rags now, becaue I don't want to have to stop having sex! We talked throughout the whole thing almost!!!!!! We talked about anything and everything... how it felt, the songs playing, how fast our hearts are beating and can you feel it? How fun it was, how we have to do it more often!!!!!

Go to the Somazone right now and read stories and questions posted by kids, many of whom open up their little hearts to the world... Then read all the cruel-hearted replies from their peers. It's alternately hilarious and totally depressing. Definitely something worth procrastinating over.

In my day, adolescent sex was as short and fast as a Blink 182 song.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

that is just disturbing on so many levels.... urgh!!!

1:55 PM  
Blogger ManicLovely said...

Why don't u tell me when you post?? I missed two of them!
Anyway they were hilarious, I love the tabloid style of your drug rampage.
I feel bad that you got so sick,it didn't make any sense since we took exactly the same thing literally (halved for fucks sake) but I don't think you were in the best of health when you had them, I always reckon you need to be bright eyed and bushy tailed in order to safely get MORE AND MORE bright eyed and bushy tailed.

The child sex thing actually made me feel like crying, it was so awful. I think it kinda reminded me of of our highschool days with potsmoking loser boys. But then again we were 17 and the sex lasted about 3 minutes, unless they were trashed...in that case it lasted untill they fell asleep drooling on top of you.

Peace out!

11:46 AM  
Blogger Ben said...

Good to see you back old pal - top post.

10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I looked, as instructed, and have no words to describe the horror-fascination-horror that followed.

Which is why I will make a comment totally unrelated to your post:
I have no idea what you said and/or did to Mr Mac on Friday but he loves you and Nick. As in, talked about the two of you all night and might actually be in love with you. If you guys are ever up for some kind of poly relationship, let me know and I'll give you his number.

1:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

of course that mr mac loves nick and alex... who wouldn't/doesn't/could possibly resist their charms???

ps i love you too! :)

1:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It all started with NIN's "Closer" of which whilst I was in highschool two years after I had lost my virginity to someone playing Galactica on his Commodore 64 in the next room, a friend lost his virginity to Trent growling "I want to fuck you like an animal", I hope he choose an appropriate one, rather a Toucan or worse an Aardvark.

Rups :)

1:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The first time I had sex, it lasted 7 hours. We closed the door and turned on Wagner's Ring cycle. Halfway through, her mother brought in refreshments and more chocolate sauce. It's all a question of breathing correctly.

5:56 PM  
Blogger The_Divine_Miss_L said...

Hello Lovely One,

Partly inspired by your glorious post and partly by Leah's Cosmo addiction, I have written a Gen-Y sex post myself. You simply must go and comment because:
1) You strike me as the kind of saucy minx who might have a car sex story to contribute
2)You have obviously done your research on the sexual antics of Generation Y and could thus actually contribute something worthwhile AND
3)I need the comment support to get my little blog-ette off the ground.

SO come one come all!

Loved the post you clever thing.


P.S. Sorry for the shameless self promotion but I'm new and unpopular in the blog world. :)

12:14 PM  
Blogger 123 said...

look at my blog and add it to yours please

1:00 AM  
Blogger Cornelius McHeresy said...

Blink 182 is underrated. 'Can't be too cool in a tree with my pants down' will still come in to my head when I'm doing the dishes. And who doesn't find Mark Hoppus strangely erotic?

6:14 PM  

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