Friday, May 12, 2006

Get Ready For This because there's No Limit!

Even though my sidebar is fucked and now for some reason appears at the bottom of the page (if someone could explain why this is to me, I'd be e'er so grateful), you may have noticed the brand new feature of this blog... It's a called "Mid 90s' Eurodance Track O' The Week!" and its function is to guide you down memory lane, back to when the dance music that dominated the charts wasn't supplied by cartoon frogs but rather by Frogs from France! (But let's not forget the Italians, the Dutch, the Belgians, and ESPECIALLY the Germans, without whom 90s' Eurodance would be nothing.) That's right, until I get bored with it, I'll be celebrating all those fabulous, floor-filling, cheesy club anthems that made the 1990s the aural feast that they were, by putting up the lyrics to all the best mega hits in my special Eurodance sidebar box (or Super Time Portal, as I prefer to think of it!).

Over the coming weeks the Super Time Portal will feature such amazing artistes as:
La Bouche!
2 Unlimited!
Black Box!
Real McCoy!
Dr. Alban!
Culture Beat!
Twenty 4 Seven!
Jam & Spoon!
Tokyo Ghetto Pussy!
Unique II!

And when I've run out of continental Europeans, I'm might head north to the UK for such luminaries as:
Betty Boo!

Don't worry if most of those names mean nothing to you... As soon as you read the lyrics, the Super Time Portal will work its magic and the sleazy sonic Eurotrash will all come flooding back to you like Crystal Waters (who was, unfortunately, an American so she doesn't count!).

This new miniature obsession of mine with the House anthems of my youth was brought on when I declared on NYE that 2006 would be the year of No Limits. I was inspired by that oh-so catchy and completely inane song by 2 Unlimited (i.e. the biggest Dutch artistic export since van Gogh), and proceeded to sing it all night, much to the amusement (or was that chagrin?) of my friends. I realised that I had a whole bunch of song fragments of that ilk running around in my head and decided to track them down. It was only then that I realised almost all of them were Eurodance! (With the exception of Ultra Naté, C+C Music Factory, 2 In A Room, and, Crystal Waters, who were all brillo but all Americans! Foiled!)

Anyway, get ready to cringe with embarrassment as you read the stellar lyrical efforts of the too-cool-for-Eurovision set, who blew the world away with songs that were mainly about "the night" (and all the crazy shit that happens in it) and being someone's "baby"... I can hardly wait!

Spot the difference...

Left: 2 Unlimited single cover
Right: La Bouche album cover

Mid 90s' Eurodance acts had similar marketing strategies. Crazy hair, vinyl clothing, plum lipstick, male rapper/female singer combinations, visible bras, a penchant for looking away from the camera, the colour blue, etc.


Blogger Jon said...

Were you aware how any years, how much effort and heavy medication were required to get No Limits out of my head after it first jangled onto the airwaves, Alex? All that just got washed away. And now I am in pain.

2:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The single cover for "Run Away" by the Real McCoy also fits your schema perfectly.

11:18 AM  
Blogger FortuneCat said...

2Unlimited are the bomb!

Dont forget a small tribute to their other hit Tribal Dance.

*goes off dancing*
No no, no no no no, no no no no..

1:20 PM  
Blogger russ said...

You're barely cutting the surface Alex...

No Ace of Base!?
No Cut 'n Move!?
No EMF!?
No Guru Josh!!!?

I like this idea. You will need some mp3s though, for ah... reference.

11:31 PM  
Blogger divinetrash said...

jon: Oh, come now. Doesn't it hurt so good?

ns: You're so right about that Real McCoy sleeve. I'm a genius.

Russ: I so knew someone was going to bring up Ace Of Base. Well, you know what? I don't think they count! Yeah! You heard me! They're not disco enough, they're not cheesy enough, they take themselves too seriously, they're not House-y enough and there's no "Rap" influence. For all these reasons, they will not appear.

I was seriously fucking remiss in leaving out Cut 'N' Move, though. Sorry about that. EMF, too, although I don't want to focus too much on Brit bands.

I don't remember Guru Josh. But I read that he was in the Acid House scene, so you may be pushing it there, compadre.

12:27 AM  
Blogger divinetrash said...

Hmmm, maybe I was too harsh on Ace Of Base. D'ya reckon Whigfield counts?

12:39 AM  
Blogger russ said...

You are not so harsh on Ace of Base. Their second album (The Bridge) was all those things, but the first (and best) album (Happy Nation) generally fits the genre.

You're probably right about Guru Josh; he came to mind because they were playing him on JoyFM the other day. You should listen anyway, it is your kind of kitsch. One of the great one-hit wonders.

Whigfield... not so sure.

Also, despite their non-European roots, let's not forget Australia's own bra-showing (and sometimes not showing), male-rapping, mid-90s cliche-driven, Euphoria. So euro-dance it took me two years to realise they weren't.

2:31 AM  
Blogger Martie said...

I so wish C&C Music Factory was part of this series

9:59 AM  
Blogger ManicLovely said...

You lame-os all suck with your sucky lame ass old school boring bands.
Bah, I don't understand a word you are talking about. Didn't anybody who was born in the mid 80's actually have a childhood, ypu untainted by teenage hype and all this sleazy superstar bands business.
I just had lego, and Ninja Turtles, ah the good old days.

2:49 PM  

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