Friday, April 21, 2006

Deck Dog-ette

More from the skating life and times of our hero; one bitch-ass Z Girl who'll fuck you up as soon as look at you.

20th of April:
10am - feel bad about not ever doing any exercise.
10:02 - decide to fix this by skating to uni.
10:05 - put on uplifting/inspiring music to get in the mood for action, incl. Cocteau Twins and Martika.
10:07 - try to sing along to Cocteau Twins. Fail miserably.
10:10 - start getting dressed.
11:00 - finish getting dressed. (Yeah, I'm a vain motherfucker. So sue me.)
11:10 - find old wristguards from my radi-cool 'blading dayz, so as to prevent fracture number three to my left arm.
11:15 - run out the door feeling excited and motivated about my skate.
11:16 - realise that in my excitement I've left the board inside, so go back and retrieve it.
11:17 - realise I'm not sure which foot is meant to push and which is meant to stay on the deck.
11:18 - realise I don't know how to steer.
11:19 - realise people might witness my train wreck-like attempt.
11:20 - almost "skate" through some dog shit.
11:21 - decide the whole venture is a waste of time and that I need to practice somewhere that's less densely populated and has footpaths that aren't so cracked and narrow.
11:25 - get on the tram.

So, then I carried the board around for the entire day, which wasn't a problem till later that evening I ended up at Cherry and had no idea what to do with the stupid thing. I ended up just sticking it in a corner, and would you believe it, no one stole it! While I was there I did what no other blogger has ever done... I met ns! Aren't you all jealous? I found out all his secrets and they will soon become part of a new series of posts entitled: 'The secrets of n/s'... Just kidding. (Or am I? MWAHAHA!)

In other news, I was perusing strangers' blog profiles, and some of them are positively hoot-filled. Or at least, I think they are.

One girl listed her interests as: Jesus, God, music, singing, dancing, acting, making faces, boys, rocking out, driving around, rain, magazines, books, animals, giggling, movies, life.
(N.B.: I'm not making fun of her for being religious. It's most of the other "interests" I find utterly fatuous.)

Another listed: Anything outdoors, water sports, piano, dancing, books, wine, beer, boys, animals, plants, the human condition.
It disturbs me how many grown women refer to men as "boys". But what I mainly love about this one is that her interests include both water sports AND the human condition. Props to that.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You mean to say that someone is gadding about, pretending to be me? What does he look like?

Perhaps it's time I changed my name - "ns" seems a little childish, just like your skateboard.

10:14 PM  
Blogger divinetrash said...

He's letting down your reputation as a caustic bitch by being nice. Oh, and he has a better haircut. But aside from that, he's pretty convincing.

I seem to remember you begging me to let you have your photo taken with that skateboard. That's way more childish than the item itself, thank you very much.

10:43 PM  
Blogger ManicLovely said...

Ha ha ha you left the board inside the house! You so funny.
The skating thing needs to be done while you're high, you wont care what people think and you will have super powers. In fact forget the skating!

5:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pray tell how it is you know the 'boys' referred to by unknown blogger woman are actually men and not, indeed, boys? perhaps mrs robinson has hit middle age, realised she ain't got enough money for a facelift and is merely using sex with teenage boys to boost her self-esteem.
that's what i'd do.

5:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey alex,
keep up the skating it can only get better, right? although it cant progress at all if you dont have the board. although, i reckon if you really want to get around you need to get a scooter like they do in italy. although if it means you have to follow the same road rules they do, (as in no road rules) then you may need more then a wrist guard for protection.
also i agree with cat, maybe those people really are interested in boys, as opposed to men, which itself reminds me of boyzIImen. right this is getting crazy now, too much free internet time and too much pasta me thinks. so i leave it at that mi amigo. cant wait to come home and see you, only 25 days to go!!!

4:03 AM  
Blogger ChristinaChox said...

she was a sk8er grrl, she said cya l8er grrl, proper english wasn't good enough for her...
but it most certainly is for you Al.
By the way, I don't care if you are making fun of those people who list 'Jesus' or 'God' or 'The Bible' as interests: everyone knows that those things are about as uninteresting as 'The Passion of the Christ'-or anything else Mel Gibson has a hand in.
keep up the skating-the only way is up, baby, for you and the deck now.
Love you like those Jesus-heads love JC.
Chox xxxx

10:05 PM  
Blogger TimT said...

Please don't read my blog profile, I started my blog when I was depressed and jobless in Newcastle, and I haven't been able to change my fucking profile ever since.

Actually, I realise that now I've posted that comment you probably will read my blog profile. Please don't read the above comment.

Oh shit.

8:15 PM  

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