Thursday, July 13, 2006

Bring back the Mysterious Boy!

The British ruling elite have a lot to answer for with regard to their long history of ransacking and pillaging important archaeological and anthropological treasures from other countries. Countless important artefacts, of both cultural and artistic significance, have been plundered, generally from regions poorer than Britain. The word elginism was derived from Lord Elgin and his theft of the Parthenon Marbles. Rightfully, there are often impassioned campaigns to have these pieces, like the Marbles or the Rosetta stone, returned to their country of origin.

In Australia I believe that we are sorely remiss in our neglect of one such cause. There is a national treasure that has been looted from our shores, and I, for one, believe that it is high time we began to pressure the British government to bring it back to us. Certainly, it has become extremely decrepit and possesses shaky cultural value in our modern times but it has a definite historical weight. An earlier, more primitive people held this object up as an idol! How long will we allow it to be kept from us? It belongs in Australia, in not only its true spatial context, but also its true cultural context.

Peter Andre. It's time he was returned home.

Sure, he's a greasy spiv, but he's our greasy spiv.

In England, the man is reduced to second base with a badly tanned, hairless, oversized Barbie doll. In Australia, he would have his pick of real, flesh and blood women. Bring him home!


Blogger Engels said...

I dare say in some cases perhaps rare artifacts were better kept in the hands of the Brits where wars/ransackings were less frequent. Maybe the Venus de Milo would still have her arms?

As for Andre, Germany may declare war on us (even though they are a peaceful nation) if we take old Pete out of Europe. Those crazy, crazy Germans.

Is that a photo of Jordan (read: silly blonde pommy slapper)?

10:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And again Al:
And taht's all i have to say on the mater of Pete

3:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's one particular example of British Imperialist atrocity that always comes to mind when i hear about stolen heritage. It was when the brits eventually killed Pemulwuy, the Aboriginal risistance leader, cut off his head and shipped it back to England in a jar. It really angers me that somewhere in a british museum sits the severed head of one of many such victims.
But having read your blog entry I think I'd make an exception if someone cut off Peter Andre's head, stuck it in a jar and put it in a museum.
In fact I'd pay to see that.


7:01 PM  
Blogger ManicLovely said...

Seb? What...the...ummm ok.
Heads in jars are disgusting and that picture was too although I could'nt stop looking at it for some reason.

8:01 PM  
Blogger Daniel said...

Seb, the worst thing about it is that only in the past five years or so has the British Museum started to give back "native" body parts. As late as the 90s they insisted that they provided scientific insight.

Also notable was the case of Truganini, who, against her express request, had her bones stolen and shipped to England. In fact, there are stories of colonists shipped out here to bring back Aboriginal bones. Whether the Aboriginals were dead or not at the time the bones were required is still debated.

Uhh, yeah, but I wouldn't want to start a serious discussion on the internet. Oh no. Ahem.

12:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah. Hijacking other people's comical blog entries for the purposes of making some serious social commentary is really taboo and insensitive. Kinda like all those eugenicists measuring the bones of murdered blacks and poking and proding at body parts to scientifically justify racism.
Hey, maybe that's why Peter Andre is groping that black model. He must be a eugenicist.
Yep. into the jar with him.

9:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i think peter andre and his wife katie price andre, the boobs on legs formally known as 'jordan' would serve the whole world better if they were to submerge themselves in giant jars of formamide (heads severed or not) thus preserving themselves so that they can then be effortlessly shipped from museum to museum around the globe. therefore eliminating the whole who har of who belongs where, and to whom. this could also for the beginnings of a travelling freak show, possible featuring other "celebrities" who feel the need to relentlessly flaunt themselves in front of the british tabloids to feel loved... i'm thinking brian (im not gay i have two relationships to prove it) mcfadden, kerry (im still famous even if i am only doing iceland ads) katona, and of course the biggest media whore of them all, mr jamie (i can sell/cook/make money off anything) oliver. hows that for some seriously trivial low-brow, completely irrelevant commentary.

7:29 PM  
Blogger divinetrash said...

Seb & Dan: Those cases were exactly the reason I almost didn't write this post. I thought it was too tacky to jest about something that ultimately involved such terrible crimes against humanity. But then I remembered that I am tacky. Feel free to hijack my blog any time you please; you bring a touch of class to it (relatively speaking).

Lucy: I'm so impressed with your seriously trivial, low-brow, completely irrelevant commentary, that I must insist that you write a blog post-haste!

12:20 AM  
Blogger Erica said...

This is really sad but...

...the first CD I ever bought with my own money was Peter Andre's Natural. Because my best friend liked him.

I'm so ashamed!

12:52 AM  

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