Friday, October 28, 2005

Paul Shaffer – is that a drumstick in your pocket or are you just really happy to see Dave?


Fuckin’ Paul Shaffer.

I hate him.

Anyone who’s ever watched The Late Show with David Letterman (I know that you have, so don’t lie - it’s not becoming of you), will know who talking about. He’s the shrimpy, chrome-domed band leader of the CBS Orchestra. He’s the annoying, snivelling, crawling, arse-kissing lackey who’s always laughing at Dave’s gags, providing the *ba-dum-ch* on the drum-kit at the end of Dave’s jokes and repeating Dave’s punch lines throughout the show (whether they were funny or not). He’s like a grovelling little lapdog. He’s like a one-man “We Love Dave” club… It’s tragic!

And he wears his sunglasses at night. Yeah, he takes style tips from Corey Hart. 'Nuff said.

My question to you is; does anybody actually like him? (Maybe someone’s mum does but it's probably out of pity.) Is his presence really justified on the show? I wouldn’t mind if he was just there playing conga drums and jumping around like a jackass but why does he have to speak? Couldn’t Dave do the banter thing with someone else? Do YOU like Paul Shaffer? Someone must. And I want them to explain why. So, leave a comment. Do you love him? Do you loathe him? Do you have better things to do at one o’clock in the morning than watch guys who are only vaguely funny anyway dragging out the same material and the same schticks year after year? Tell me!

42 Comments:

Blogger fluffy said...

You have to give him props for being Artie Fufkin in Spinal Tap, but then he goes and disgraces himself with Blues Brothers 2000 and other assorted crimes against comedy.

6:12 PM  
Blogger divinetrash said...

So true, Fluffy. It is an utterly fabulous movie. And he did co-write 'It's Raining Men'. But even with those things on his CV, I still wish he was gagged on the Late Show.

1:22 AM  
Blogger Daniel said...

Ah, but Fluffy - you forget that the reason he was in Blues Brothers 2000 wasn't because he was a C list celebrity on the Late Show. Paul Shaffer was the keyboard player and arranger for the original Blues Brothers Band, before they made the original film.

He toured with them, played on Saturday Night Live, and basically was a major reason they got the deal to make the film in the first place. However he couldn't get out of the contract he was in with SNL so he couldn't be in the original film, but he still played in the band and is the keyboardist/bandleader on any live recordings you may have of the Blues Brothers (or is it just me who still listens to them . . . ?)

And that is why he isn't quite as deserving of your vitriol, Alex. But I agree, he's still a fuck on the Late Show, pandering to Dave and laughing at all the really, really bad jokes.

Half the late show band is left overs from the Blues Brothers - the Trombone player you might recognise too. Blues Brothers musicians don't die; they just wither away on the Late Show . . .



(and I updated as well, Alex)

3:16 AM  
Blogger divinetrash said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:58 AM  
Blogger divinetrash said...

Bubble, it's really late. Go to bed.

Don't worry, I still listen to them, too. I have 'Briefcase Full of Blues' on vinyl, which sounds really crackly these days, but I still love it. And I love the original movie. And I still want to sleep with Dan Akyroyd circa 1980 coz he was HOT.

That's a fair point you raise there, Dan. Back in the day he was quite a cat. But he ain't "The Shiv" anymore; now he's just an annoying jerk-off. It's a crying shame.

To help justify my dislike I have a shocking conspiracy theory about him that I will explain in my next post.

Thanks for the comment. It's good to hear someone go into bat for him. More, people, MORE.

5:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad someone has finally come forward and admitted the truth we have all been afraid of. Paul Schaffer is pathetic.
However, I believe some American peeps I speak to have a fondness for Paul, but the same people watch Newlyweeds, so its hardly reliable.
So, therefore, in conclusion, people who like Jessica and Nick, also like Paul.

PS Has everyone forgotten that he was in 'Look Who's Talking Too'?

12:21 PM  
Anonymous Russ said...

Reminds me of a quote:

"There are four kinds of jokes: 'laughers', 'clappers', 'bafflers', and the kind that makes your bandleader pretend to be the only one who likes them."

It may be that Paul only acts like a dick to cover up the fact that Dave isn't always funny. Alternatively, he may be uniquely qualified for the position.


...gotta get me a band-leader

3:16 PM  
Blogger Daniel said...

Hmm.

According to IMDB he also starred in that quality TV series, "Hercules", as the voice of Hermes.

Not cool.

3:57 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

I too was once like you Alex.

A few years ago a first discovered The Late Show, and instantly hated everything about it. Dave's lame jokes and Paul's even lamer attempts at making his own.

But then, enter Alan Kolter. That red-headed genius stole my heart, and slwoly but surely, over the course of several years, I have come to enjoy everything about that wacky Dave and his bumbling but lovable sidekick Paul.

Through such brilliant segments as Will It Float, Will It Explode, Is This Anything? --- I'm captivated, moved and entertained beyond my wildest dreams.



---

Mind you, I can never be arsed staying up to watch it. It could be shit again for all I know.


---

P.S. I don’t really love him that much. I kind of got a bit carried away there too.

11:43 AM  
Blogger divinetrash said...

When I grow up I want to be the grinder girl.

1:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what about biff henderson? not only is he a genius camera man but he also is fantastic at running around in mazes.

1:21 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

Oh shit, I can't believe I forgot Biff!

And Rupert!

I'm hanging my head in shame.

And Alex, I sincerely think you'd make a great grinder girl.

6:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He has been hated for 3 generations in my family and we are people who are full of love. He really has the ability to suck the fun out of a relaxing time of evening for me. I am glad you are here to let me blabber about his constant annoyance. I actually googled I HATE PAUL SHAFFER and thank goodness I am not alone. THere should be a site dedicated to this!!

6:29 AM  
Blogger divinetrash said...

Anon, I'm sure that you will never come back here to see if I replied, but I want to thank you for leaving that hilarious comment all the same.

I hope that one day you start that site. If you do, drop me a line and let me know where it is! I'd love to come by. Thanks for making my day.

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes I agree with you 100% He is so annoying... Dave Letterman is amazing, we really dont need an annoying mad just keep talking becuause he thinks he can. All he does is play random keys on a keyboard, that doesnt make him co-host.

4:12 PM  
Anonymous Tommy said...

Yer - they give him too much time, he just stands there and is one of those midget syndrome sufferers - just wants attention when its not warranted. Annoying ass... I actually found this blog googling about him being annoying cuz I thought that lol:)

7:21 PM  
Anonymous Tom In Jax said...

I HATE PAUL SHAFER!!! What a dick. I mean seriously, I could care less about that little dork who keeps interjecting his STUPID quips, awful music, overly drawn out obnoxious laughs and his suits I mean WTF? Good God, I could just keep going. BTW-- FYI: I found your blog after googling "I HATE PAUL SHAFER".

2:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sitting here at 11:30pm in Australia... Letterman just started. I hate the way Paul acts like a crazy muppet, pulling stupid faces at the camera whilewaving his arms around. It inspired me to type 'I hate paul shaffer' into google. I found your blog and am glad im not alone... Cheers

11:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Paul Shafer sucks!!!

2:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

okay.. so shaffer obviously is a decent musician. but for the love of god turn his mic of when he's not playing. those side remarks he makes are even less funny then bob sagets afv comments. russel brandt nailed him pretty good when he opened his mouth though! (the one where they're talking about russel not being able to grow his hair inwards) russel rocks.. insiiide yoou!!

10:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just now had to walk away from the TV because that little @sshole is driving me crazy. I googled "I hate Paul Schaefer" and here I am. I glad to see that a lot of other people do not like him. He's so annoying! Go away Paul Schaefer!

3:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate paul, but not from Letterman.

I was watching watch?v=IdJeCjIwGFk&yt on Youtube and soon discovered the most annoying bald old man to exist.

He ruined a perfect hammond performance. The most perfect performance that could ever happen, and it was ruined by a guy that looks like that old man from the six flags commercials.

Fuck Paul Shaffer. I'll shaft a ten-foot iron rod up his ass and his voice will reach such a high frequency he'll sound like TV static. Then I can enjoy Joey DeFrancesco on Youtube.

6:29 PM  
Anonymous Melanie said...

I just bought the R&R Hall of Fame dvd set and was fucking disgusted to see Paul Shaffer sitting in on every goddamn performance. While Cream is playing together for the first time in 25 years, Shaffer's back there trying to grandstand! How dare he? Then he's making those dumb ass faces while hiding behind his sunglasses trying to protect his eyes from the blinding glare of his shiny bald head. I'm sitting there amazed to see Tom Petty, Jeff Lynne, Keith Richards, and Chuck Berry jamming out only to see little munchkin man wandering, literally wandering around the stage shuffling papers and pointing to different artists to force them to take a solo. He's not even playing piano! What the fuck is he doing there? I know he was the musical director for the show, but that means he should be in the pit somewhere OUT OF SIGHT of the public. He should not be on the stage at all! The shows were being broadcast on tv AND there was an audience and he's fucking wandering around with his stupid long coat trying to hide his paunchy belly carrying a sheaf of papers and then pointing randomly at people telling them to take solos. He seems to forget that it aint a fucking rehearsal. It's so unprofessional and almost makes me wish I didn't buy the set! He's a self-important, smug little pissant. He's then yelling into the microphone and making choices on when songs should end as though he could tell Keith Richards or Stevie Ray ANYTHING about music. This in front of an audience both in the theater and on tv! It makes me fucking sick! No wonder they took so long to release this on dvd. Nobody would have bought it if they knew that prick was on there. Thank you thank you for this blog. I also googled "I hate Paul Shaffer" and I was overjoyed to find this.

7:20 PM  
Anonymous berethor said...

i know this site is quite old now...but i only just got around to googling "i hate paul shaffer"...i too have spent countless nights wondering what exactly he adds to the show...

10:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yup. Googled 'I fucking hate Paul shaffer' and found this site. We all hate him and I'm not even in the US. new Zealand hates him too!
Fuck you Paul, go choke on a cock.

9:55 PM  
Blogger jem said...

ha ha, i felt the need to google i hate paul shaffer and am happy to see i'm not the only one :)

i can't stand anything about him! especially the way he parrots every damn thing that dave says! i am, and always will be a conan fan... can't stand jay and not a dave fan anyway. but i can say for absolutely sure that i hate paul shaffer!

1:03 PM  
Anonymous Rob C said...

I also googled "I hate Paul Shaffer". God he is annoying, with his snivelling sycophantic repartee and bloated misshapen head. Add ridiculous purple tinted sunglasses (worn at night) and a massacred Canadian twang and you have someone that never should have sought a career in film and television. They should cover him in glitter, hang him from the studio roof and use his gigantic head as a disco ball - he'd contribute more to the show that way.

10:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, you are spot on. I am watching the Letterman show right now and I purposely googled "Paul Schaffer suck" just so I could feel secure knowing that other people feel exactly the same as myself.

2:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

YES YES YES! I hate him so much... no no... I loathe him... is there a bigger word than loathe?? If so.. please insert it... I __(insert)__ Paul so much!! I can not say more than what others have already said. I agree... I agree... I agree. I also typed in "I hate Paul Shaffer" into google. The man is an arsehole. PERIOD! Die die die die... better yet... I hope he catches some rare, very painful, incurable, jungle disease no one has ever heard of....... and then dies!

3:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, that little wanker shits me....
He is such an ass- kissing little weasel!!!
Livin in Australia, I'm not so sure why we have to be exposed to this filthy little turd...
The show is sooo not funny but he just makes it intolerable..

12:13 AM  
Blogger john said...

Wow same as everyone else. Googled hate Paul schaffer and bam here I am.

4:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so delighted to find so many compatriots who find Shaffer as annoying as I do.
I've always wondered why Dave chose him, let alone keeps him around. He not only does not add anything to the show, he's an irritant like a bad rash that won't go away.
I'm always hoping Dave will one day say, "Oh, shut the fuck up you moron. Never ONCE have you ever said anything funny. Just. Shut. Up. Okay?"
(Thunderous applause, followed by standing ovation, while the obnoxious glittered toady, kicking and screaming, is escorted off stage forever)
Dave could replace him with Craig Furgusen's gay robot, or maybe a box of hair. Or a doughnut. At least these things are useful and less irritating.

7:26 PM  
Anonymous SidVithmad said...

Thank you, thank you, thank all of you for letting me know that I am not alone in my seething hatred of that annoying little prick Paul Shaffer. What a douchebag.
One night, Dave was doing a bit with the audience. An audience member turned out to be a broadway performer. Dave asked him if he wouldn't mind singing a little, and the man obliged. With no accompaniment, the man began to sing. He sang beautifully. He had a wonderful voice, and he was tasteful with it -- not emotionally overwrought, not too show-offy, but just right. He was so good that a hush fell over the audience and everyone just stopped and listened to his wondrous, spontaneous performance.
Paul Shaffer rudely cut the man off, in mid-phrase, after just a very, very short time. The man had enraptured the entire Letterman audience, and the viewers at home, in ten seconds. Paul Shaffer has not been able to do that in thirty years, and he knows it. Shaffer cannot sing. At all. Why the Letterman show allows him to attempt to sing is absurd. His voice is godawful. Shaffer's jealousy was all too obvious as he cut off the singer. He waved his little t-rex arms and said something like, "Okay, okay, that's enough."
The singer was good, really good, and little Paul Shaffer couldn't handle it. The tiny shred of respect that I had for him was lost that night, never to return.
PAUL SHAFFER: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO AWAY ALREADY!

4:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shaffer is an insufferable douchebag, grandstanding hack. He spoils everything that he appears in and is a disgrace to the many talented people who give him a chance. He lacks class, dignity, humility and the respect that comes with genuine talent. I have never considered him more than a glorified ass-wiper and despise him on so many levels. Please, Shaffer, if you happen to read this, do the world a favor and lock yourself in the closet.

2:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Reading these posts has been heartening. I didn't Google, "I hate Paul Schaeffer" - I reserve that sentiment for Bashar al-Assad and Kim Jung-un and other tinhorn dictators who torture and kill innocent people.

That said, Paul Schaeffer has annoyed me for many years and I just listened to Jay Leno. Since Jimmy Kimmel was a repeat the other night and I turned to Letterman.

Schaeffer was so obsequious, annoying and grating that I figured I could not be the only who felt the same way. This was a necessary catharsis and a reaffirmation of human judgment.

12:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you all.....glad I'm not alone. ..what a knob this guy is

12:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally agree. I think if you looked up brown noser and boot licker, Paul Schaffer name would immediately appear. Dave's material is so unfunny, and boring, Paul is constantly trying to make him look good. He's trying to prop up a dying man and its so phony. Hopefully with only a year left Paul will let him die on his own. And why do the audience members clap and laugh at it all. I am sure there is an applause sign up every second.

11:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I can't stand about him is he NEVER shuts up!

You don't see the other late night side kicks doing that.

12:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

On my lunch break in I once saw him walking to the studio. He acted like he would be a grace to the pavement he stepped on, but aside from some tourists who headed towards the studio nobody gave a flying f... about him. I actually looked around for a blunt object but nothing was available on this piece of Broadway. Then he already had slipped into the studio's backdoor and I knew the chance would never come back again.

5:12 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:15 PM  
Blogger mark baum said...

The little fart blossom is stinking up Jimmy Kimmel's show tonight. Hard to believe that Jimmy Kimmel would bring this little wet blanket on . I was praying after Letterman retired the little worm would disappear forever. His agent must have disturbing personal photos of Jimmy and everyone else in Hollywood . There's no other reason he could be sucking air on stage this long ....

3:20 PM  
Blogger wicky said...

My thoughts exactly Paul Baum. I was very disappointed and disqusted to see this!

Rick Sachs on Facebook

1:08 PM  

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