Damned Liberal Party meat goods...

They sat on the grill seeming innocent enough and in fact rather delicious looking as they sizzled away in their own fat. But these were no ordinary sausages. No, these sausages were forged by Satan's very hand. They were... CONSERVATIVE SAUSAGES! In order to eat one, I had to stand next to a large effigy of Peter Costello they had erected near the BBQ (the effigy, I gleefully add, was later abducted and crudely defaced by some students, before being replaced in its original position. Juvenile though the prank was, just watching those events unfold made me think to myself, "This is what I came to university for!"). But being the left-wing bludger that I am, I'm willing to sacrifice all my ideals in the name of getting something for free. I made a stand by putting plenty of RED ketchup on it (geddit!). Anyway, the point is that later that evening I had stomach pains. Coincidence? I think not!

This noshing on conservative sausage business came about during my O-Week at uni. I spent a bit of time watching the clubs and societies pimp themselves on the last couple of orientation days, which was quite interesting. Checking out the Liberal Club stand I noticed that they had these rather fabulous bumper stickers that proclaimed "RACK OFF LEFTY SCUM" and "SOCIALISM SUX" (notice how they're attempting to reach the hip young cats of today with their adept use of slang? FAB!). Of course I went over immediately; I mean, I just had to have them. I spoke with the young chap manning the booth and we had a convo that went a little something like this:
Me: "Hey, have you got anymore of those bumper stickers?"
Him: "Nah, sorry, they're just for display."
Me: " 'Rack off lefty scum'... that's classic."
Him: "Yeah, there's a lot of them around campus. You wouldn't happen to be lefty scum would you? I wouldn't want to offend you." (This guy is all class, folks!)
Me: "Nah, don't worry about it."
Him: "Because we get a lot of lefty scum wanting those stickers for some reason."
Me: "Yeah... wackos." (I skulk off quickly at this point.)
OK, so he had me pegged. But I wouldn't describe myself as your average campus lefty scum. As for instance, the socialists groups around school shit me more than the Libs. I hold the conservative groups with a certain morbid fascination, whereas the leftist factions serve to infuriate me to an unimaginable degree. And yet you'd probably call me a socialist if you're one of those people who insists on giving labels to people. GO FIGURE, huh?

Anyway, I really did get stomach pains many hours after eating those sausages. So the moral of the story is... well, I don't know. I just felt anecdotal, I guess.